ALADDIN FACTOR CONTINUED

Until I knew I could ask for what I wanted, I had lived my life in an unacknowledged state of resignation. I had silently agreed not to be a nuisance or a bother, to never intrude on anyone, to never take up anyone's time and certainly not to be a "pest".
Early in my marriage, my wife Georgia, and I had a vacation cottage on a nearby lake in western Massachusetts. Since the house was located on a hillside, we would park in the driveway above it and walk down a set of stairs into the kitchen door. We were located many miles from town and whenever we went shopping we would stock up with food and supplies resulting in ten or more bags of groceries per trip. When we would arrive home, I would bring in the bags and Georgia would start unpacking the groceries and placing them on the apporpriate shelves.
Subconsciously i always resented the situation. I would be going up and down what seemed like an endless set of stairs while Georgia would have the easy job of simply taking things out of the bags and stockpiling them. I especially resented it when it was raining or snowing. This pattern, and my resentment, continued for many years.
One day, while attending a marriage enrichment seminar we were asked to list and share any resentments we had. I shared my long-standing irritation at having always been the pack mule in our relationship when it came to the groceries and the long flight of stairs. My wifes response changed my life forever. She said "wow", i never had any idea you were unhappy with the arrangment. Why didnt you say something? I would have been glad to help you carry in the bags. All you had to do was ask
All I had to do is ask? It was that simple? Why had i never thought of it? It simply hadn't occured to me. But why? All of a sudden i had a stream of flashbacks to times when i has wanted help in my life and had been afraid to ask.
I wanted to ask my teacher in school to slow down and go over things agian, but i was afraid they would think i was stupid.
I wanted to ask the guys at my summer school job during high school to help me lift a big bale of peat moss i was moving, but I was afraid they would call me a wimp for needing help. I wanted to ask a guy at school to show me how he made certain guitar chords, but i was afraid i might not learn them fast enough and he would resent me for taking up his time. I had settled for less than the best of everything-mediore seats at plays and drafty seats at resturants. Cold or badly prepared food was never sent back. I settled for substandard rooms in hotels and flew coach when i could have been upgraded to first class. I accepted shoddy workmanship and poor preformance. I wore clothes that didnt fit perfectly and occasionally bought shoes that were too tight. I was afraid to return or exchange unwated gifts and i rearly, if ever asked a salesclerk to help me find something i was looking for.
On the day I left college, my stefather handed me a twenty dollar bill and said, "if you ever need a helping hand , look at the end of your own arm" The underlying message was "You are on your own. You are now supposed to be self sufficent. Dont ask for anyhthing eles. The prior eighteen years had consisted of the following from my mother, father and stepfather: If you ever get in trouble do never come running to me for help
"what are youasking me for"? I dont know!
"Do you think money grows on trees"?
"don't ask so many stupid questions"
"the answer is no so quit bothering me"
"I said no and thats final"
I made less money than what i was worth, laughed at jokes that i didnt understand and never raised my hand in class. I accepted too many things without questioning authority and i bit my tounge when i wanted to ask somebody out for a date. I stared longingly at all the things i wanted, but i rarely got them. That was my life-a life of setteling for less than what i wanted, less than i deserved, less than the best and less than what was possible